for some reason I can't explain -

I know st peter will call my name.


S.D.B.F.A.D.A.

And that, my friends, is a beautiful thing.
If there is something I learned long ago it would be this. Stages are complex. Minds are a beautiful thing.
I can't help but stare in awe at the amount of strength each of us have, and we don't even know it until we're forced
to really look inside ourselves and use every ounce we have to focus on our world.
I've never seen more beauty and mishaps then I have today, and it's been on my mind ever since.
The fact that our lives are so parallel, yet our individual paths are so out of sync.
Time wont stop on request, our bodies learn immediately to continue breathing, and when all else fails, when time ceases to exist, our bodies know exactly what to do. Lungs are a powerful thing, but even they can tear you down.
The simplest task becomes torture in every second. That's neither here nor there.
I can't believe it's November already. I feel unbelievably blessed that there is still colour in the air.
I feel like I have a new set of eyes, everything seems more vivid, I'm focussing on smaller things. Breathing, walking, even the strands in eyes seem to stand out a bit more. Spider webs, intricately made, with bits of rain clinging to it.
My tunnel vision has been expanding and contracting with each moment. My body is naturally focussing on taking me where I need to go while my brain is stuck on repeat.
I've always been taught to forgive but never forget. When you forget you slip, and when you slip you repeat.
I feel like forgiveness is beyond my reach but maybe I'm just at a point where I don't particularly feel ready. I haven't been ready for a lot in a very long time, and I've been ready for the wrong things for a long time. It take time to swap. To align myself with my path, surround myself with people who love and support me, even if they don't understand, the former is enough to keep anyone going. I need to surround myself with tasks that help lead me to where I want to be. I'm not one for settling, or standing still. Clearly not one for going backwards (well, anymore) I've tried and exhausted these options. I'm taking charge, meetings have been set up and a weight has lifted. It's a glorious feeling. Unfortunately it doesn't cancel out much stronger feelings, ones I wish I could erase, seeing as prison and I don't quite see eye to eye. Time doesn't stand still, time immediately starts the healing process, even before one has quite comprehended all the intricate complexes. Situations are constantly changing and while it hurts like hell, there isn't much left to do but buck up and move along.
I am genuinely going to miss one person. My life is definitely going to be different without said person, just a sliver bit. It's hard to turn off a friend switch, especially in a matter of days. I understand it's been a long time coming. There are a lot of things I wish I could explain, a lot of distant memories that will be there. I just came to the overwhelming realization that my future with said person has no room for two people that can't get along. Who have never been on the same page, and most definitely never will again. Bitterness is an ugly thing to be filled with, but when it comes to betrayal, I can't see how to remain friends with certain people while others are consistently aiming arrows.
My future does not have the room.
All I can do is find beauty in the small things, appreciate the surrounding and focus on breathing.
So far so good.
And that, my friends, is a beautiful thing.