I am folded, and unfolding...

I am fine.

What would you do if you could start life over? At what point do we choose when the starting place it?
If it's all slipping through your fingers.. do you just imagine sand? Hold on tighter and watch each grain slowly slide? Or drop the handful, expecting an oceans worth ready to be picked up?

Glazed eyes only see so much. Broken hearts will only ever love to a certain extent. If your shoulders can actually sense and feel the weight that is on them, do you blame what you once thought was God?
How does this recovery work, when you took all the weight on yourself, and worked independently to heal. When your rope ends how does the healing continue?

The say it all gets better in time. What happens when you run out of time? When time is the thing you fear the most, because like the sand, it's slipping. I wish it would slow down. I feel like those montages where the person is standing still in a train station or a busy street and the everyone is moving at lightning speed. It's a ghost of what was once a fun and outgoing person. Now stands a girl with headphones, tuning out reality. Choosing the same as before with different consequences. Still talking in cryptic code. That's semi reassuring.

I wish you would read these words. Understand what they mean. We once had such a connection and now I'm a shadow of that. Barely there in your memory and quickly evaporating from my own. When my rope was shortened you would extend it. There were times when you made it shorter, and I don't forget about those, but my own want for what used to be is overpowering that, and getting stronger everyday.
How much longer should we wait? A year? A decade? Then what?
It's already too late and the idea of forgiveness is already blossoming.
I keep reminders of why I hate you to make it easier. It doesn't.
There was so much back and forth I can't remember what was real. There's one look that wont leave me. That's the one that's reassuring me of everything. If I saw you and saw that look I would know if it was really too late or not.
Too bad you'll never read this.
I'll sip my coffee and watch my rope disappear.

I am fine.