... who don't understand, and I'll look back and regret how I ignored when they said "run as fast as you can!"
I wish I was here - .
Such a glorious place. Not a drop of rain, sunshine everyday.
It's difficult looking back. Always. What I wouldn't give to change some of my priceless endeavors.
Some of my stories - wishing they weren't mine. I don't want to star in my own play. I hate the thought of people judging me, and a lot of my history creates rightfully deserved judgement.
It makes us who we are, but through out my collection I changed. Compromising became the only way. I just never realized I was compromising myself, while you gave up nothing. Not even the toilet paper.
I see it, now that you're gone. I see the things I did that I wouldn't normally do. The things I said that were so foreign and out of character. Ignoring and avoiding some of my biggest influences because I let you take their place.
Blindly believed lies you told me about friends, life and your history.
I'm not bitter. You're just another story. I allowed it to happen.
I gave up. I sailed to my own wind for so long I thought it'd be nice to follow someone elses coattails.
You had nothing for me to follow. You made minimal effort. I still followed. I played house. I played breadmaker. I played daft. Really all that was happening was I was slowly dwindling down into nothingness. Loosing myself into being you're double. Day and night. I forced myself to dim into your darkness.
I needed help and an ear to listen and instead I became your ear and silenced my own voice.
I don't blame you for letting go.
You truthfully did me a huge favour.
You let me be me without you.
I could never hate you for that.
I learned a valuable lesson. It's too easy to give up, roll over and play dead. It's too easy to disappear into another world. I was unsure of everything, and even now looking back and knowing the lies you admitted to, I still don't know what part of "us" was real.
I melted our hands.
It was glorious.
That's my secret.
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