..how hard you hit, you broke my thunder <3>
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Do you ever wonder..
Having confidence is something I strive for daily. I find that there are so many moments where I feel like I'm doing the right thing, then there are those moments where I am alone and just break down those walls and pick everything apart, every move, every facial expression, everything. I find that there are so many different facets of each family, and each person that it's impossible to please someone with everything you do. All I can do is anticipate needs and pray it's the right move. There have been times when I've had to go backwards and undo something I'd done, but I'm thankful that I am with a family that have the ability to share with you (in a kind way) if you need to redo a task and do it differently. The little mistakes get sorted so they aren't made again. I enjoy that. That is something I need otherwise I peg it down to routine and completely settle for the same way.
It's recently been brought to my attention the ways that I'm "in the family" by the comfortability factor that Lady has with me. I don't want to get overconfident and in ways the picking apart my day really helps to keep me grounded. I get complimented on my work ethic, my ability to stretch my imagination at those moments its needed, and my ability to anticipate needs. These things I due to my job before this one. My boss then kept me on my toes and every step I've taken has helped shape me and guide me. There are certain mistakes I will not do again, and there are certain work ethics I have acquired over the years. The maturity level keeps rising for things that need a high maturity level, but at the same time I still get to be a kid and play all those old school games. Duck-duck-goose will always have a special place in my heart.
Sometimes I feel like I flip flop between many different people. There are certain situations where I become mush, loose my head, and my heart just takes over and destroys me. In those situations I get so upset over the person I'm being, why can't I be stronger? Why am I so weak? Why can't I smile and walk away without looking back?
Then in other situations I'm too quick to pass judgement, and I definitely do not like that person either. I loose the ability to step back, view both sides and try to walk a mile in the other persons shoes.
When I do I feel like I will be shocked by the things other people have had to endure.
There all those people I enjoy, from what my dreams were 2 years ago today, different person completely. Two years ago I was totally okay with the idea of settling down, I'd seen all I needed to see and found the person my heart was content with. Those ideas often get shattered and in that case it did. The comfortable best friend I was able to share my world with no longer saw the world the same. I had friends in places he had no interest in seeing, and my heart expanded and enveloped the idea of learning new things, trying new things and suddenly I was no longer content with the idea of settling. It's such an overwhelming feeling, when you realize there really are no limits and you can take your life anywhere you choose, and once that gig is completed you can hop on over to the next place. The dreams that I then saw overtook me. I barely recognized myself, all of a sudden this new person was in this shell of myself. I didn't know who I was or what I wanted to be, I only had one goal in mind. Find this out.
At this exact moment, I completely totally utterly know who I want to be. Maybe not forever but for the time being I am totally content, I'm at peace with myself and yeah there may be those situations where my heart takes over and I loose myself in a person, but that person is not loosing theirself in me, so why bother. The healing process has begun and I can smile when I think of all that stupid pain and heartache. The tear ducts have shut themselves up again and I am so thankful for all those who stood by and tried their best to help a broken record. I am at a place where I know I can be mature about incredibly hard situations, I look back on the last year and yeah, sometimes were hell on wheels, but I made it, and I made it with a great outlook on life. I'm optimistic, I'm in a fantastic place and I'm learning a new thing almost everyday!!
So enough about me, more about experiences oui?
My new room is going to be done tomorrow, I get to move in sunday hopefully!!
It;s been a week off for the kiddies for half term, therefor husband of famjam's cousin and her children have been down from Hull (funny accents, almost Irish-ish) so there's been about 13 ppl here, its been hectic but an experience!! I taught all the kiddies how to make string bracelets/necklaces and they are obsessed.. Mostly the boys. strange.
I haven't gone anywhere or done anything exciting, to save some muula for the homefront. That's right incase you hadn't heard. Going home for 2 weeks in 2 weeks. I'm mounds excited.. can't even describe it!! It's such a nice feeling for a home to go back too as well. Thanks family!
I'm so blessed..
Right, hands are tired.. HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU MAHJY.
And to the rest of y'all, have a spectacular week and keep on a look out for the minor things, they have been getting me through each day and I hope you find at least on reason why you're amazing a day!!
xxo
Peace out homeskillets!!
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